in a rut

since my aunt returned to the states after a month, i've just been listlessly going through my daily existence, just doing things that needs to be done.

there's no joy, no enthusiasm, no excitement. blah.

"di ako masaya. kailangan ko ng inspirasyon. kailangan ko magkaroon ng rason para sumaya" is a frequent line to cubbyhole buddy and officemate mitch for the past few weeks.

my day usually goes this way: wake up, prepare for work, work, have lunch, work some more, go home, have dinner, sleep.

like this blog, i'm in a rut. and despite this blah existence, i do hope things would go better.

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i crave for some excitement. something to make me look forward to waking up everyday.

i miss the old me. the me that wakes up with a smile on my face, despite possible issues and blowups. the me that looks at life with so much enthusiasm and positivity. the me that despite everything, can still find things to smile about.

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don't get me wrong, though. i am thankful for everything i have. i thank Him for my life, for my family, my friends, my job, my things.

i am thankful that i managed to put my sister to college. and she graduated last week.

i am happy that despite the financial difficulties, me and my family is surviving, and surviving really well.

i am glad that there are things and situations that allows me to learn things about life. on how to push myself to the limit. on how my mistakes made me what i am.

i am thankful for the everyday that i get to learn about life and the things that can make me a better person.

but, i am in search for something exciting. something that can make going through life great again. something that can make me bolt out of bed, walk around the office whistling, make me excited for the next day.

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i try not to be pulled down by all the negativity. things happening to people and institutions around me. controversies and intrigues that we face almost everyday here at the office. the defeated and defeatist attitudes of most people.

and i feel that these issues are getting to me. i find myself being eaten up by all the negativity.

the patch adams in me is slowly being eaten away. and i don't like the feeling.

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on a lighter note, congratulations are in order for jennifer for passing the bar exams. yehey, me abugado na kami sa block!